Anger and Breath

Why rewiring our reactivity helps our mental and physical health.

It’s one of the big things they talk about in The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by the Dalai Llama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams.

The importance of understanding.

The importance of believing in that road rage moment that the person you're angry at IS in fact driving to the hospital. The importance of approaching a god-awfully slow barista with the compassion that maybe they're having a really bad day.

This practice not only allows you to continue exuding your natural love and radiance (and likely rub off that goodness on the other person), but physically calms your cortisol levels, freeing you from unnecessary extra stress. This is neuroscientifically proven as well.

The ability to stop your rage at its entry point (it doesn’t have to be a perfect stop) - knowing, pausing, and breathing in that moment of frustration - creates the space for you to change your brain. That moment changes what might feel like an involuntary anger reaction, which is a neural-pathway you have built (likely as a result of years of trauma or your guardians), and begins the creation of a new one - one to more understanding, and therefore, inevitability less rage.

This constant practice soon becomes routine, so you can leave the other path behind. It’s okay if it still comes up - be patient. Think about how long it took to build that old worn out one versus the amount of progress you’ve made.

You have so much power over your brain! That’s a scientific and spiritual truth. You can and are literally changing it with every new thing you learn and do. This has undeniable benefits for the health of your heart, mind, and other systems by not triggering these unnecessary added stress responses. This is the path to bliss.

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An Example:

Don't think I'm coming at this from some holier-than-thou perspective. When I first learned about neuroplasticity in grad school, I was over-the-moon excited. I dove deep into as many studies as I could get my hands on. I mean, who doesn't want to hear that right? Here it is, proof that people change. And more than that, proof that people have enough control over their own minds to CHOOSE to change.

Now, for some people, that might be a hard pill to swallow. However, this was SO important to me once I heard it - for all the progress I had a made as a person, and to also show that circumstances and biological brain chemistry did not have to define anyone. So, I decided to put some of the procedures to the test by tackling one of my biggest daily triggers - road rage.

Over the year, I had been commuting 1-2 hours each way to get to classes or work, and needless to say, I was constantly irritated by dummies on the road. These drivers would turn a perfectly pleasant day into a chaotic tornado by the time I got home or to the gym. I decided I would make a conscious effort to, as my spiritual guide would say, "meditate while driving." (Obviously, she did not mean eyes-closed meditation, but rather the state of being present while breathing, sometimes referred to as Total Embodiment Meditation).

At first, I was mentally exhausted. Actively trying to catch my responses as people wove in and out of I5 like they never actually passed their driving exam. It was so tiring to even just catch myself mid being upset. Then, when I would explode, I would just be more frustrated with myself. However, after constant practice and reminders - making up stories about why they did that or choosing a peaceful song to listen to instead - I began getting better. I would catch it faster and stress less. It wasn't easy, but it was working.

In all reality, I only recently (about 3 years from beginning this practice) feel that I mostly don't experience spiked reactivity to other drivers while driving, and I owe a lot of that to learning to drive a manual. After experiencing, at 27, the panic of learning to use a clutch, stalling on hills, and wondering how slow I should go to make sure I had plenty of room to downshift if traffic suddenly changes, I became so compassionate to everyone else driving. Because I started to imagine everyone was also learning to drive a manual. And that moment, combined with years of practicing catching my reactions was when it all finally clicked.

It's like when people remind you that you have no idea what other people are going through most of the time - it's so true. It's that pure basis of understanding that will help you navigate life with less stress and create new healthy pathways in your brain.