"Am I a Good Friend?"

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about, well, honestly, everything. It was one of those true conversations where everything was on the table, and we dove into each subject without hesitation.

One thing she mentioned in passing, which I don't remember fully addressing, was her concern about being a good friend. This thought stuck with me for a while. What makes you a good friend?

Well, people will tell us it's being there for them. Right? Society and mass media may say something about giving everything up for the people we love, or some other over-dramatized spiel.

But truthfully, I think you can only be an authentically good friend if you are your own best friend. In all reality, how can we give ourselves to others if we don't to ourselves? Because that kind of giving, it pulls at our reserves, the stuff we were supposed to use for ourselves, and it drains us into this skeleton of self-doubt and resentment. We are angry when the friend ends up not listening, or shaken to our core when someone doubts our friendship when we've given them everything.

And their-in lies the problem, if we've given everything, what do we have left?

So, I feel the answer to feeling assured in your friendships, is to be good to yourself. Treat yourself with the kindness you want other people to. Compliment yourself on achievements. Tell yourself how cute you look. Listen to yourself when your sad. Sit with your worry. Comfort yourself in ways that help you understand. If you can do all these things for you, then you know you can do it for others without sacrificing your life-force.

This isn't to say of course that we don't need other people and friends, of course we do! But rather, that like most things in this world, the change and trust we may ask for in others needs to start with ourselves. In my experience, I am much more available and ready to give my all when I have taken good care of myself. Only then, do I feel I am being a real friend to people without the frustration that comes with over-sacrificing. And if people drop off or throw a bucket of blame-slime your way for retreating and working on you, shake 'em off, better people will come in and replace them.