Active Listening

One of the biggest mistakes I used to make was offering solutions when people told me their problems. I believed I was helping by possibly providing answers they hadn't thought of.

The truth, though, is people don't really want that - at least not at first. They want to be heard and validated in their feelings, then, asked questions that may lead them to open up and find new answers.

It's actually a really subtle art form of giving advice.

The more people feel open and calm in sharing with you, the more they are likely to then ask for help or continue the discussion to a place where you can lead them to create their own amazing answers. And if you get there, that's just magic!

You can see people glow in their epiphanies, but it begins, undoubtedly with listening.

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Why?

Well, when people are beginning to open up about something (especially people who don't get to or practice doing so as often), they are allowing you into a vulnerable state. Whatever heightened emotions they may be feeling, it might be overwhelming and scary to feel those feelings. So, them sharing with you is often privy information. With that door open, if the receiver callously shakes off the information and offers immediate advice, what does that do?

It:

A) Feels as if the receiver wasn't listening,

B) Suggests that the informer was not intelligent enough to consider this immediate and obvious solution,

C) Makes fragile informers feels they shouldn't have bothered to share in the first place,

D) All of the above.

However, by the simple action of opening to active listening fully before responding, it shows the person sharing that its okay to feel how they feel because feeling is a human reaction. And that it is okay to open up about things that bother them. Once those feeling are validated, they will likely even ask you directly for advice because they feel so safe in this welcoming environment you've created.

It's truly magical what real listening can do.